my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
