I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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