i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
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He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
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If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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