does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
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There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
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My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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