but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
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Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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