Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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