I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
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She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
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