Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
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well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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