marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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