thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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