I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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