I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
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Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
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At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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