hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
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I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
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Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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