just tell him i said nine months
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
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Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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