Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize