If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
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There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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