I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize