cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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