you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
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It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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