the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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