I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Randomize