Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
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I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
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Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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