why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
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