i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
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Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I want to be your penis for a week.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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