i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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