my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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