Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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