i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
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She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
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I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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