Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Two words: blizzard sex
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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