i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
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Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
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Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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