Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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