I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize