She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Damn victory sex feels great
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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