listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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