I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
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