Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
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I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
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He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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