either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize