Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Drunk is a universal language darling
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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