She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize