She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
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You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
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He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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