I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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