So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
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My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
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