you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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