I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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