4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize