Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
