But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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