Moan for me like Helen Keller
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize