She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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