o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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