Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize